


The Closer I Get

by supern0vae



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Anal Play, Anal Sex, Angst, Bottom Spock (Star Trek), Emotionally Hurt Spock (Star Trek), Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Frottage, Hotel Sex, Leonard "Bones" McCoy is a Good Friend, M/M, Multiple Orgasms, Oral Sex, Oral Sex in Restroom, PWP, Porn with plot i think, Shower Sex, Smut, Top James T. Kirk, Wall Sex, love and fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-08-05 19:12:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16373399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supern0vae/pseuds/supern0vae
Summary: Spock understands that Kirk has been making advances towards him. Despite his intense desire to give in to Kirk, Spock struggles to come to terms with his emotions. And when he does, he needs to rescue the bond that he and Kirk have.





	1. Dinner

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back with another spirk fanfic for you Spock/Kirk shippers. Skip to chapter three and onward if you’re just thirsty asf but beware, the plot is incorporated with the smut so you may become confuzzled.
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading this fic! Please share your thoughts!

His eyes were such a deep blue that it was possible to drown in them. Spock knew; he was suffocating then as his Captain made intense eye contact with him. Was Spock insane or was his Captain actually enjoying intimidating him? Spock didn’t regret accepting the challenge however. The challenge that his Captain, James Kirk, called the ‘Eye Contest’. If it was a game that tested skill, Spock wouldn’t hesitate to prove himself to Kirk.

“Aha! I win!” Kirk celebrated when Spock flinched and blinked. Spock felt heat rise in his cheeks and looked to floor, embarrassed by defeat.

“Congratulations Captain,” he acknowledged. Spock felt Kirk’s gaze stick to him, making his blood rush to his cheeks faster. His heart was thumping frantically though Spock didn’t express panic. He stayed in his place beside the captain’s chair, hoping that his temporary elevated palpitations would lower subsequently.

“You’re unfamiliar to loss in contest Spock?” Kirk offered quizzically.

“Affirmative sir. It is uncommon that a Vulcan loses a match or contest determined by level of skill,” Spock replied naturally. He was glad that conversation begun to flow comfortably. Though, Spock was aware that he’d been emotionally compromised. Though, he knew that when the time became threatening, he’d be able to supress all influential emotions.

“Hm,” Kirk nodded, “perhaps… you’d like a rematch?”

Spock swallowed harshly, he grabbed his hand behind his back before it became obvious that he was trembling gently at the thought of locking eyes with his Captain again. “N-not necessary Captain.”

Kirk rose an eyebrow and met eyes with Spock courteously, “are you sure?”

Spock blinked once, twice. He was acutely aware of the short moments Kirk was blinked out of existence, “yes.”

“Okay then, Spock.”

Spock showed appreciation with a nod before stepping away from his Captain and heading towards his station.

“Wait! Spock, I need you,” Kirk hesitated, looking for Spock to be at his side once more.

I need you. I need you. I need you. It replayed in Spock’s mind throughout the rest of their conversation. The only detail from their conversation, that Spock was sure of, was that his Captain had just invited him to a late meal.

 

“Get comfortable, Mr. Spock,” Kirk said calmly. He directed Spock to a chair he’d brought into the room earlier that day. Spock seemed uncomfortable, taking orders even at a time like this. Kirk cleared his throat, “I apologise. I’ll try to ask things of you, rather than order you,” Kirk grinned at his First Officer.

Spock was silent, heart thrumming in his chest. Something about this situation made him feel vulnerable. This man… only this man could evoke his deepest emotions. Spock liked orders though. They were simple to comprehend. Unlike questions, which required contemplation and consideration. If someone wanted something of Spock, he’d rather they tell him rather than ask him.

“Thinking?”

“Oh,” Spock was caught off guard.

“Don’t worry Spock, we’re not here on business. I just needed the opportunity…” Kirk trailed off. Spock knew this was on purpose; his Captain was a precise person, one that would make you think exactly what he wanted you to. He wasn’t someone who commonly confused people. Spock secretly loved this trait that his Captain seemed to have and wondered how many other people recognised it.

“Captain, when is the dinner being delivered?”  
As soon as the question left Spock’s mouth, Kirk’s eyes lit up. “Around ten minutes,” he replied with perk. This enthusiasm prevented Spock from supressing a slight grin. “A smile,” Kirk said proudly, “it’s difficult to get a reaction out of you Vulcans!”

Spock hesitated, “it doesn’t take much for you though… to get a reaction from a Vulcan,” Spock gulped after his confession. His current decisions were not fully based on logic. The Captain’s silence made him nervous. Spock definitely crossed the line he’d drawn himself in his mind.  
There was a limit to how much Spock would reveal to people during interactions. He raised his gaze up towards the Captain’s.

“You admit to having a thing for me?” Kirk smirked. The sudden glimpse of desire in his Captain’s eyes forced Spock into the back of his chair. It was instinct, Spock was intimidated by Kirk. By Kirk’s skill, by Kirk’s knowledge, by Kirk’s eyes, smile, by Kirk himself.

“C-captain?” Spock stuttered when his Captain left his seat and approached him with a stride that matched his confidence.

Kirk swung his seat around and hushed him, index finger over his lips. Spock’s heart was frantic once more. The grip he retained on his mind was slipping. He was processing every action his Captain made and was finding no logical explanation. Then again, his reactions were unexplainable on the basis of logic as well. Kirk had placed his hands on both sides of Spock, hands splayed on the desk behind them. “Tell me Spock. You want me?” Spock’s eyes darted left and right but always found their way back to Kirk’s oddly desperate stare.

“Captain I don’t,” Spock attempted to refuse.  
“None of that Vulcan bullshit either. You’re human too, I don’t ever forget,” Kirk raised a hand to point to his head.

“You’re fascinating sir!” Spock answered, only just managing to hear his own voice above the loud rush of blood in his ears.

“How so?”

“Just, you. No one else can do what it is that you do to me… only you can make me feel this way.” Spock panicked. His heart continued in his chest and he felt like his ears were on fire.

“Make you feel… what way? Emotionally… sexually?” Kirk said, suddenly running his splayed fingers down Spock’s abdomen. His hand cupped Spock’s bulge through his tight black pants, allowing the other hand to prop him up from the desk. Spock jolted with intoxicating adrenaline releasing itself in his system. The strength of Kirk’s scent was heavy in Spock’s mind. Kirk had inched forward gradually along with the heat that radiated from his masculine body.

Kirk shifted his hand so that he was gently massaging the full length beneath the fabric. Spock’s large bulge quickly turned stiff in his pants. “C-cap, Jim,” Spock was cut off by Kirk’s mouth. Kirk was strong on Spock, his kiss was forceful and hungry but slowly turned more sensual when Spock relaxed into it. The Captain’s tongue slipped into his mouth with ease, making a warm sensation stir in his stomach. The human kiss was different to the Vulcan’s but the way Kirk performed it turned Spock on beyond his own belief. Spock recognised his breath hitching. Kirk rubbing against him constantly wasn’t helping him calm down. He was feeling the pressure build in his stomach. Making his fingers twitch.

Kirk noticed Spock’s fingers. Breaking away his intense kiss, he took Spock’s hand in his and brought it to his mouth. He placed his lips on his hand gently before licking up along Spock’s fingers. Shivers ran through Spock’s body, his heart nearly stopped and heat rushed all the way through him to his toes. Kirk began to suck on Spock’s fingers, gently, before allowing them deeper into his mouth.

Soft moaning sounds began to meet Kirk’s ears. Spock was completely losing his composure in front of Kirk when there was suddenly a knock at the door. Both men flinched and looked towards the door. Kirk groaned, disappointed by the distasteful interruption. He turned Spock’s chair around and leaned in to whisper in Spock’s ear, “I won’t forget that you addressed me by my first name.” Then he headed towards the door to get their dinner. Spock used the Captain’s absence as an opportunity to calm his heart. When the crew member left, Kirk grinned at Spock, placing their food on the desk in front of them. Sitting down in his original place, Kirk seemed delighted. Spock knew that Kirk found the situation immensely amusing… and wondered why.

“Sir?” Spock breathed calmly.

“Let’s eat,” his Captain replied joyfully. Spock felt cold during Kirk’s absence from his body. He was so wound up that he now craved Kirk’s hands on him.

“Sir… I think I should retire,” Spock said hoarsely, making the most logical decision he could under the circumstances.

“And how do you plan on getting to your room when you haven’t yet been satisfied? I can understand your hesitation Spock, but I don’t plan on letting you go easily.”

“I should retire sir…” Spock insisted. He waited for some sort of response while the words simply thickened the air.

“Do you plan on satisfying yourself Spock? Is your hand, that’s coated in my saliva, more satisfying than I am?” Kirk snapped. He shook his head, “I thought I had accomplished something with you today. Naïve of me to think I’d broken some sort of Vulcan barrier you hold up. Supressing your human desires – I can imagine – is tough on you. However, not even the release I offer you is good enough,” the Captain paused, “this has been my last attempt to get close to you Spock. No longer will I bother you.” Kirk’s eyes were stony and a clear blue. His entire demeanour seemed to be crumbling and Spock could sense the Captain was near tears. It was a painful sight.

“I’ve been emotionally compromised time and time again due to everything you are, Jim,” Spock offered a glance towards Kirk before dropping his eyes to the floor, “and not once have I been dissatisfied.” Forcing his legs to withstand the ache of leaving his chair, Spock stood up weakly. Eyes fixed on the floor in front of him, Spock counted his steps towards the door. One, two, three, four, five, six, sev-

“Spock, wait! You admitted it; you want me Spock. You, you can have me,” Kirk’s voice broke, hardly supressing Kirk’s blatant sobs.

Spock stopped before the door. His entire figure was stiff; every one of his muscles under strain. “I’ll see you on the bridge, Captain,” Spock said gently. Only silence followed as he exited the room. While he knew no one would be able to tell, Spock’s legs were on the brink of collapsing with every step he took that brought him further from Kirk. There was nothing that could have prepared Spock to let go of some of his strongest Vulcan ties. There was nothing that could have prepared him for the most crippling emotions he had ever felt. He was too overwhelmed to supress even a shred of humanity he had locked away since childhood.

 

The usual positive vibe that was felt on the bridge seemed to disappear after a few hours the Captain had been trapped in his mind. Though he was reluctant to admit it to himself, Spock was now connected to Kirk. His Vulcan instincts were now focused on paying attention to his Captain. It used to be easy to supress fascination in his Captain along with his human emotion, however, the link between he and his Captain now ran further than just Spock’s human side. It ran directly through his dominant Vulcan side too.  
Not until Kirk addressed the crew member did Spock notice one had entered. “Hello Mr Daniels, how can I help you?"

“Captain, this may sound unprofessional, but, I’d like to discuss a matter privately,” Daniels replied hesitantly.

Spock was certain that his Captain was going to decline Mr Daniels. He knew full well the state Kirk was in and couldn’t imagine that a man in so much pain would submit himself to unnecessary time with others. Spock was wrong.

“Sure. We can go to my quarters,” Kirk paused. Spock felt a glace his way on Kirk’s behalf but fought the urge to flinch. As he continued his work, Kirk left the bridge with the crew member. For as long as they were together, Spock felt a burning in the back of his mind. A constant reminder that Kirk wasn’t his, and he had to hurry and allow himself to open up to Kirk before he lost him.


	2. The Begining of Opening Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard encourages Spock to face Kirk and come to terms with his emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leonard just knows about Kirk and Spock. He's always there, he sees all. This is a bit of a fill in chapter since the next chapter is taking me a while when I'm working on other fics. Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think!

The smile he received was wide and beautiful. Dimples on the edges and plump lips. Spock remembered how those lips felt on his. Spock remembered the time that Kirk was so desperate for him that he turned to the only alternative that was logical to his human mind. He remembered when Kirk would make an effort to entice him, to entertain him, to get closer to him. After the day that Spock rejected him, only three weeks ago, Kirk changed considerably. After the short period of seeming to dwell in his own depths of despair, Kirk began to smile again, become social with the crew again, and the negative mood on the bridge reverted to positive once more.

There was a distance in the stunning smile Kirk gave Spock in the hall. It was there, but it wasn’t genuine enough to be there truly. Spock knew the importance that today had for the Captain. The reflection of this day was evident in Kirk’s behaviour. Though it would be a long time before Spock was gifted with an honest smile from Kirk, he knew that Kirk was in high spirits on this day. “Captian, Happy Birthday.” 

“Thank you, Spock. I generally would invite you for a drink but I understand that Vulcans do not drink alcohol. There will be no use for you,” Kirk laughed gently.   
Spock nodded but gave no sign of laughter, “you’re correct sir.”

Kirk’s smile faded, “good luck with your duties Spock.” 

Spock could feel his heart stutter in his chest as his Captain walked away. He knew he had to do something about the link between himself and Kirk. Kirk was slipping away from him every day that Spock refused to open up completely.

As Spock began to walk again, he was steady, unlike his heart. He’d known the consequences of ignoring his emotions and regretted letting them consume him in the first place. His head became faint on his way to the medical wing. Spock’s vision followed suit. It was inevitable that he’d pass out before reaching his destination. “Spock! What the devil is wrong with you?” Dr McCoy shouted in Spock’s direction as his heavy body collapsed. McCoy didn’t hesitate to set him up in a bed in the medical wing. He was placed under the doctor’s temporary surveillance. 

“Where is the nurse when I need her?” McCoy groaned as he gave Spock a medication to even his heart rate. He’d fainted from an elevated blood pressure due to some sort of physical (or emotional… which McCoy almost ruled out had Spock not started crying when he woke up) stress. Spock could see both sides of the room at the same time as his eyes moved side to side rapidly. He opened his eyes fully and felt warm tears blanket his bottom eyelids. 

“Doctor I… I don’t know what to do about this emotion I’ve begun to welcome.”

McCoy twitched an eyebrow upward and nearly laughed, though he found nothing humorous about the situation. “Finally,” he rolled his eyes, “you better talk to Jim about this ‘feeling’. Assuming of course this is related to him. It would explain Jim’s own ever frantic emotions lately,” McCoy paused for a moment before bringing his eyes up to meet Spock’s, “you best be quick before he gets HIV from sleeping with every goddamn crew member aboard this ship. That’ll be a medical issue I don’t want to deal with.”

Spock was immediately conflicted. He was delighted by McCoy’s humour yet pained to hear that Kirk had been sleeping around fondly. “I’m unsure how to approach him.”

McCoy stomped, “just tell him how you feel dammit!”

Flinching, Spock was shocked by McCoy’s outburst… had he always had this attitude or had Spock just never noticed it when supressing his feelings? He nodded and stood up. Before he could attempt to leave, McCoy shoved a PADD in front of him. “Record your attendance to this medical check-up and you can go.” When Spock signed, McCoy patted him on the back and let him leave… seemingly rooting for Spock, who’d finally come to his non-logical senses.

Charging through the deck’s intersections, Spock made his way to Kirk’s quarters determinedly. He wasn’t sure if Kirk would be there at the time, though it was the first place to look for him. When he’d finally reached the door, he knocked, given no response. “Captain, if you’re inside, please let me know,” he hesitated.

The door clicked and opened suddenly, hissing as it welcomed Spock to his Captain’s room. By the door was Kirk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UwU next chapter soon


	3. Captain's Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock opens up to Kirk, thanks to Bones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll admit, it's 12 am now. But finally some PROPER EXPLICIT CONTENT! Pls comment because I love feedback.

“Well?” Kirk stood at his door and raised his eyebrows expectantly. He’d not even invited Spock in.

There was nothing he could think to say in this moment. Spock wasn’t really sure what he wanted to say, or how he wanted to say it. So instead expressed himself physically.

He stepped forward and crashed against Kirk as their mouths met. There was a moment of restraint in which Spock nearly regretted his impulsive decision to kiss his Captain rather than explain himself. However, the brief tension faded as Kirk relaxed into the kiss.

And surely that was explanation enough.

Kirk broke them apart hesitantly, “what are you doing?!” His words were less out of anger and more out of surprise. Surprise, because Spock had spontaneously come to his quarters to kiss him despite having rejected him.

“I-I don’t know actually,” Spock nearly laughed, heart crashing against his ribcage, “I just had to let you know how I… how I… feel.”  
Eyes glassy, Kirk teared up. On instinct, Spock embraced Kirk in his arms, allowing his head to rest on his shoulder. It turned out that Spock didn’t need to say much at all.

He only had to open up.

Despite the soft moment, Kirk leant back to look Spock in the eye. “So what does this mean for us? Are we… like… together..?” Kirk was grinning widely now.

“If you mean the human equivalent of a bond, then I guess so,” Spock said, smiling back. He felt as Kirk did, overjoyed. And as relieved as Spock was, he still couldn’t manage to calm himself down.  
Kirk hummed gently and nodded. “Good.”

 

Spock was invited to drink with Kirk and McCoy in celebration of the Captain’s birthday. He avoided the alcoholic beverages that McCoy supplied and yet McCoy still continued to supply them. “Thank you Bones. What a day for events to turn out so brilliantly,” Kirk grinned giddily. He was just shy of showing symptoms of a drunk man.

“Don’t forget that Nyota, Scotty, Hiks and Pav wanted to join the momentous occasion that is your birthday ritual,” Bones replied. The medical officer differed from his Captain in that he expressed noticeable drunken symptoms. “Speak of the devil…s.” 

The rest of the group walked in to share drinks and wish Kirk a happy birthday. None of whom expected Kirk to throw himself on Spock in front of them, and pull away from a hasty kiss saying, “we’re together!”

Uhura was the first to clap for them while Sulu, Chekov and Scotty took a moment to realise what had happened. McCoy handed them each a drink. “No thanks to me…” McCoy murmured to himself. 

“You didn’t see this coming?” Uhura laughed at the bewildered expressions on the three men’s faces. Evidently, McCoy wasn’t the only one who’d noticed Kirk and Spock’s connection.

Scotty shook his head. “Why, of course I dinnae see it comin’, why, the Captain was sleeping with a nice lass just this-“

Kirk cleared his throat to silence Scotty. Spock shifted uncomfortably from Kirk, who only regained the empty space between them. There was no use for it. 

“Capt- Jim, I believe I need to take a second,” Spock excused himself. He’d not realised that Kirk was willing to be open about their relationship so soon. Though he’d not wanted it any other way, he didn’t seem prepared to openly express his feelings before everyone. 

Speechless for a moment, Kirk nodded then wrapped a hand around Spock’s shoulder. “I’ll come.”

They excused themselves from the celebration after a moment and headed out of the room. Kirk was hesitant to latch onto Spock as soon as the door closed behind them – leaving them alone in one of the deck’s hollow intersections.

Spock took a deep breath inwards as Kirk kissed him. “Shouldn’t we wait until we’re somewhere private for such acts?”

At this, Kirk’s dimples appeared with a smirk, “then why don’t we find somewhere private?”

“We’re currently celebrating with the others,” Spock answered logically, and Kirk frowned.

“Screw that right now. I want to celebrate with you. Alone.” Kirk was already tugging Spock down the deck and on route to his quarters. 

Spock couldn’t supress a smile. 

 

Kirk evidently wanted to waste no time as he undressed Spock the moment they stepped into his quarters. Spock needed to inhale but he needed Kirk’s mouth on his more. When they’d finally reached the edge of Kirk’s bed, they were both panting and in briefs. Kirk fell back with Spock landing above him. 

“Wow,” Spock sighed as Kirk rolled them over until he was hovering above Spock, legs apart. Eyes flicking down Kirk’s chest to the bulge in Kirk’s briefs, Spock hesitated. 

Everything felt so surreal that Spock needed a moment to cope with today’s events. Kirk must have noticed Spock’s hesitation as he leant down and placed his lips gently on Spock’s. “Your body is more marvellous than I’d imagined,” he whispered against Spock’s mouth. Spock felt Kirk’s warm hands begin to search his body. They roamed over his chest, abdomen and thighs, purposely avoiding his crotch – all while he kissed Spock. 

Relaxing into Kirk’s kissing, Spock opened his mouth and brought his hands to Kirk’s back, pulling him closer. Their tongues met questioningly. “Hng,” Kirk groaned with the new sensation. Spock began to push against Kirk’s body causing Kirk’s cock to become harder beneath his underwear. “If this wasn’t our first time, I wouldn’t be taking things so slowly. But I want the time to revel in this,” Kirk whispered beside Spock’s ear. 

Spock quivered. 

“You’re right,” Spock gulped. He was breathing heavily as he continued, “slowly.”

Kirk only stared into Spock’s eyes, their body’s flush against each other. After a moment, Kirk rocked forward in slow motions. Despite Spock’s uncontrolled moans, the feeling didn’t seem to satisfy Kirk as he was quick to pull his underwear down as well as Spock’s. 

Spock’s breath hitched as Kirk leant forward again. He threw his head back when Kirk took his cock in hand and jerked him a few times. It was enough to have pre-cum drizzling down Kirk’s hand. Surely that was the intension as Kirk took himself in hand and pressed his cock against Spock’s. 

“J-Jim,” Spock choked. Heat was flooding his system suddenly. He struggled to restrain his body’s natural instinct to thrust forward hard and fast. They were taking their time after all.

“Yes Spock? What is it you would like?” Kirk asked in a deep voice, rolling his hips. 

There was no way Spock could answer, becoming completely empowered by pleasure. “More,” he moaned after a few heaves of air.  
Kirk fulfilled his request, shifting so that Spock’s legs were spread – giving him ease to Spock’s entrance. He then leant down and placed gentle kisses along Spock’s thighs before taking Spock’s cock in hand and licking up along it. Spock could tell that Kirk wasn’t stopping there though. Kirk went further down to his entrance and manoeuvred his tongue. 

Spock groaned and hesitantly gripped the bed sheets. Kirk lapped his tongue over and over until Spock’s entrance was coated in saliva. “Yeah,” Kirk approved beneath his breath.

By this point, Spock was desperate for Kirk inside of him. He was losing his senses to lust, which encouraged him to pull Kirk down against him. “You should enter me now.”

Kirk nodded, “I should,” he agreed. 

He aligned himself with Spock before his first thrust. Spock’s eyelids fluttered shut and he gasped. 

“Does it hurt?” Kirk thrusted slowly and moved down closer to Spock’s body.

“I-It’s good. Go f-faster,” Spock replied.

So Kirk thrusted faster, but not harder. He maintained a gentle pace until Spock was rocking onto him. As soon as Spock had made the decision to move with Kirk, he altered his pace. Spock’s body was practically jostling against the sheets of Kirk’s bed when Kirk became rougher. And deeper. 

Spock’s heart stuttered when suddenly, Kirk thrusted in the perfect direction. Kirk was absolutely pummelling Spock’s prostate and all Spock could do was cry out for Kirk. “Captain! Harder!”

Kirk groaned, “what, did you, call me?” Despite his low tone, Kirk was pleased by being addressed as Captain.

“Cap-tain,” Spock moaned. He whimpered as Kirk slowed down, and roughly pressed his lips against Spock’s. “What are you-“

“You were about to make me cum,” he sighed, “I had to slow down.” Kirk’s words clashed with his actions as he quickened his pace again.

Spock cursed before Kirk was building him up all over again. When he’d once again hit Spock’s sensitive spot, Spock was determined to make Kirk climax before he could slow down again. Spock rocked forward quickly and tugged Kirk in for a kiss, opening his mouth wide to welcome Kirk’s tongue. Consequently, Kirk’s thrusts became poorly timed. 

“Hng, Ca-ptain, cum in me!” Spock moaned. He’d not expected the sudden wave of pleasure to crash over him when Kirk came. But it was enough to bring him to his peak, shuddering as his semen spilled across his stomach. 

Kirk pulled out of Spock slowly, seeming to know how sensitive Spock was. Spock noticed that Kirk seemed to want to do something more but lost strength and toppled beside him instead. “Spock,” he panted, “this has been the best birthday.”

Spock sighed. “I’m glad you think so,” he smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll probably read over this later to check my grammar XD


	4. Becoming Comfortable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The idea of becoming comfortable with expressing his emotions to more people than just Jim plays on Spock's mind. Jim suggests they take a soothing shower together to relax Spock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm hoping my character development isn't rushed! Though, I'm confident that Spock is taking the correct steps towards being comfortable with his feelings. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! I'd love to know if y'all have any constructive suggestions!

Spock awoke in his Captain’s bed. An unfamiliar but sound occurrence. He shifted to his side to face his Captain, who was still deep in sleep. “Jim,” Spock said softly into Kirk’s ear. 

“Mmm,” Kirk groaned sleepily in response. He’d only just begun to stir.

“Jim,” Spock repeated.

Kirk’s eyes hadn’t yet opened but there was a growing grin on his lips.

“Is it amusing?” Spock inquired, leaning closer to Kirk, until their bodies were separated only by a fold in the blanket that coated them.

“Waking up beside you – a naked you – is… immensely amusing.”

Spock couldn’t resist the urge to smile, “I see.”

Eyes fluttering open to Spock, Kirk observed Spock’s face, his jawline, his neck and collar bone. “I’m guessing it’s time for us to prepare for duty,” he sighed.

Hesitating, Spock imagined facing the others after last night. Having his emotions confessed before everyone had been discomforting to say the least. Logically, the crew would be expecting emotional responses from him – which he wasn’t sure he could give. 

Only Jim Kirk’s bond had such an influence on him after all. There was something entirely different about Kirk that Spock had no way of resisting.

“How about we have a relaxing shower first?” Kirk asked after noticing Spock’s hesitation.

Raising an eyebrow, Spock nodded. He couldn’t draw his eyes away from Kirk’s naked body as he left the bed and walked over to his washroom. After a moment, Spock joined, walking over to the steaming washroom. The hot water flowed rhythmically; he could hear the water hitting Kirk’s body, every drop with its own sound. Too rapid to decipher a pattern. Spock could hardly see through the steam, but his eyes focused on the lean figure behind the glass door of the shower. In the same moment, Spock decided that Kirk’s washroom needed shower curtains. 

“What’s taking you so long?” Kirk cooed to Spock.

Despite experiencing the night before, Spock’s heart raced with adrenaline as he entered the shower. The small space had Spock feeling sealed off from the world, alone except for Kirk’s presence. It was a hair-raisingly exciting feeling. As soon as Kirk turned to Spock, he drew him in by the hips for a kiss beneath the flowing water. Spock leant back, utterly breathless.

He took in a sharp breath before Kirk was on him again. But not just kissing him – stepping forward until Spock felt the cold of the shower wall on his back. Spock gulped, “I’m not exactly relaxed like this Jim.” It was the truth; Spock’s heart was frantic within his chest. 

“But you will be,” Kirk murmured when he slid his hands down Spock’s slippery chest, to his abdomen. 

Spock quivered. Kirk’s warm hands continued down his body until one gripped Spock’s hip and the other his hardened cock. He gasped out, but Kirk’s mouth interrupted him. A brief and delicate kiss was shared before Kirk tugged on Spock and deepened their kiss. He was gentle and rough at the same time and Spock became easily flushed. “Hng,” he choked into the kiss. “J-Jim, we shouldn’t-“

“Are you protesting?” Kirk laughed. He moved in closer to Spock’s pointed ear and whispered, “we can stop if you want to, I wouldn’t force you. But if you want, you can face the wall and bend over a bit.”

The seductive suggestion hung for a moment while Spock tried to understand what Kirk was offering him. He’d evidently made his decision, as he turned around and arched his back slightly. “I-I urge you to be gentle.”

Immediately, Kirk leant against Spock and whispered his comforting words, “I promise to be gentle.” He continued kissing Spock’s back, sucking and nipping here and there, purposely creating small green marks with his mouth. Kirk twisted the handle of the tap to lessen the shower’s stream before Spock heard him spit. Most likely on his fingers. They breached his cheeks before circling his entrance. “Mhm, just relax, I’ve got you.” 

Spock groaned to the sensation of Kirk’s first saliva-coated finger inside of him. Kirk thrusted his single finger one, two, three times before adding a second. The pleasure nearly became unbearable for Spock to contain himself. He rocked in small movements onto Kirk’s fingers and yelped when a third was entered. “Jim!” Spock called breathlessly. He’d been properly prepared, Kirk was just being a tease at this point. 

“Where is it I wonder,” Kirk mumbled on Spock’s shoulder blade, crooking his fingers and hitting Spock’s prostate. 

“You’re enjoying watching me struggle to not climax with your fingers stimulating me aren’t you?” 

“Of course.”

“P-please,” Spock groaned as Kirk massaged his prostate. It seemed Kirk was finally going to do something other than finger him when he drew back. It took a moment before Spock’s entrance was met by Kirk’s enlarged cock. 

Kirk kept true to his word and gently thrusted forward. His pace remained slow and tender, that is until Spock began to rock back onto Kirk with each thrust, allowing him deeper each time. Kirk aimed towards Spock’s prostate until he found it and thrusted unevenly until Spock was clenching around him. “Damn Spock, I’ve imagined this so many times, and yet this exceeds each of my differed fantasies.”

“F-fantasies?” Spock tried to ask before Kirk slammed into him.

“S-sorry Spock, I’m going to-“

“Same,” Spock cut in before his body tensed up and pleasure caused him to tremble. He came first, his semen spurting out before him. Spock clenched again, sending Kirk over the edge with him.

Kirk moaned his name of course, as he spilled inside of him. They were panting for a moment before Kirk pulled out, and assisted Spock in cleaning himself. 

“I can’t say I haven’t also had ‘fantasies’,” Spock said quietly, relatively spent. Kirk turned him around and pulled in him for a hug. 

Spock realised that after a moment, their hearts became in sync, and Spock simply smiled and held Kirk tighter. 

 

“It’s alright Spock!” Kirk wasn’t convincing. They walked down a deck intersection until they reached a turbo lift.

Entering behind Jim, “logic dictates, that when one shows they are capable of a common act, they are expected to perform such an act. The crew will inevitably expect me to express emotion, despite how illogical,” Spock stated his complaint.  
The turbo lift shifted with Kirk’s orders. “Spock, listen carefully, it is okay to express emotions. However, if you feel only capable to express them to me, due to our bond, then that is okay too. You don’t have to feel pressured into expressing anything unless you want to.”

Spock sighed, unexpectedly feeling swayed by his Captain’s words. “Thank you, Jim.” 

They entered the bridge for duty together. Nothing was out of the usual. Spock felt no eyes on him as he walked to his station. 

Perhaps it was due time that Spock became comfortable with expressing his emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter soon. And will probably involve more characters. And maybe shore leave ;)


	5. Shore Leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirk and Spock book a hotel room for shore but spend most of their time at the bar... and in the restroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to say that this chapter got... interesting. I didn't really plan much other than the Shore Leave part.  
> Also I'd like to add this just in case it isn't obvious. I'm not calling Jim a space slut but he's not new to sex. Spock on the other hand IS new to sex. I try to imply that Spock is learning a range of new things about being human, and it improves/developes his character gradually. 
> 
> PS, this'll DEFIINITELY have a follow up chapter while they're still on shore leave.

Kirk’s heart maintained a steady rhythm in his chest. Spock could hear the pattern against his ear as he leant his head on Kirk’s chest. They laid together upon a bed in a hotel room they’d booked for shore leave. It wasn’t a massive room but it had a beautiful view over the city of the starbase they were staying at and was relatively luxurious with a glass table a few metres away from the bed, and small kitchen on the adjacent side and a bathroom with both a shower and bathtub. 

There weren’t walls in the room except for the bathroom, which gave the place an oddly comfortable feeling. Spock let out a small sigh, “what time do you want to go to the bar?” he asked, eyes flicking up to Kirk’s face. He now had a sheepish grin.

“I wasn’t planning on going to the bar,” he lied, his heart stuttering. 

“Honestly Captain. You wanted to go the bar, and you wanted to catch up with the others since you’ve been preoccupied with me lately.”

Humming, “you’re right. Though I did want to spend tonight with you,” Kirk admitted.

Spock nodded, “I’ll come with you. I’ve got to spend more time with the others as it is, since I want to open up mo-“

“You want to open up?” Kirk sounded surprised. “Why didn’t you tell me you wanted to do so?”

Not meeting Kirk’s gaze, Spock cleared his throat with a sudden churning in his stomach that would only be satisfied by a confession. “I thought it would be weird… with you knowing. I wanted it to appear natural and gradual rather than forcing myself outside of my comfort zones,” Spock took a deep breath and released, “though it isn’t natural in the slightest – I want to become comfortable with emotional interactions.”

Kirk was nodding slowly, taking in what Spock had said. “I can feel you getting closer Spock,” he replied before his communicator went off. “Kirk here… aha… actually Bones, I think we’ll be there soon.” Meeting Spock’s eyes, “care to attend me to the bar, Mr Spock?” Kirk asked.

 

“Yes, is a Russian invention…” Spock overheard Chekov talking to Sulu across the bar. He also noticed Bones looking particularly annoyed, staring directly at him. Clearing his throat Spock walked over to Leonard and whispered in his ear.

“Why are you staring so intently?”

To his question, Leonard’s entire body shivered, and he leant away. “No reason,” he hesitated.

“This would be jealousy, wouldn’t it doctor?” Spock asked curiously, raising an eyebrow and smiling. Leonard began to stare at him instead, but rather in terror.

“Have you been eating sugar or something?.. Hold on. It’s Jim isn’t it?”

Slightly confused, “what does Jim have to do with you being jealous of the attention Sulu is receiving from Chekov?” Spock inquired. 

“I’m not jealous! But you are something real unusual, smiling like that,” Bones grumbled. 

“Why, I’m merely trying to express emot-“

“Aha! It is Jim! You want to express emotions now because you’ve opened up to Jim!” Spock knew that Leonard had never had such a bright smile on his face for as long as they’d known each other. “I’m happy for you, Spock!” Before walking over to Chekov, Bones slapped Spock’s arm proudly.

Spock tried to gather himself when he felt a hot breath on the back of his neck. For a moment he thought it’d be Kirk, but he sensed it was someone else. Turning around, there was a particularly tall Klingon standing closely before him. The man reached over Spock to grab a drink off the bar and grinned. “I haven’t seen you around here before, what do you say we leave here and… get to know each other.”

Immediately Spock knew the Klingon was coming onto him. An unusual occurrence that he’d never expected. His heart briefly paused as he tried to come up with a way to decline without provoking the man. He opened his mouth-

“Mr Spock,” Kirk’s eyes widened as he wrapped an arm around Spock’s back, “join me over here please?”

“Yes Captain,” Spock replied with a short breath. He didn’t allow himself to glance behind him as Kirk lead him over to a table where Uhura and Scotty sat beside each other. Despite knowing his fellow crew members for so long, he’d appeared to miss so much about their relationships with one another. Right now, Scotty’s arm was wrapped around Uhura’s shoulders as they drank and laughed.

“Jim…” Spock felt the urge to laugh, “thank you,” he suddenly chuckled. 

Uhura’s eyes flickered over to the two who sat across from them at the table. “You two are coming along swell.”

“Aye, I hadn’t expected it, but you’ve got a real thing going,” Scotty raised the glass he’d been drinking from.

Kirk took his own drink in hand and skulled it back impressively, “you aren’t bad yourself,” Kirk replied with a grin. He leaned in to Uhura with every intention of allowing Scotty to hear, “just between you an me, Montgomery has a terrible taste in old music. He doesn’t even like Beastie Boys.”

Scotty laughed out loud. Spock grinned as well and leant over to Kirk’s ear. “I think I need to use the restroom,” he said quietly, smirking before getting out of his seat.

Spock didn’t know exactly what he was doing as he made his way to the restroom, but he knew Kirk would follow, and perhaps he’d know what he wanted. He waited for a moment and used the mirror to align his casual shirt and fix up any small bits of his hair. Spock’s heart jumped when the door opened, and Kirk stepped in. There were multiple stalls and yet Kirk took Spock by the shirt and directed him against the door to the restroom itself. Leaning in close to Spock, “now isn’t this risk taking?” Kirk asked gently by Spock’s pointed ear that’d become flushed. 

“Spontaneous would be a better judgement,” Spock answered breathlessly. 

“Hmm, I like the word spontaneous from your mouth. For a Vulcan… it’s kind of… bad,” Kirk teased, running his hands down Spock’s chest. By the time he’d reached the hem of Spock’s pants, Spock was utterly aroused. “But then again, you’re not entirely Vulcan, you have humanity, you have emotion, you have – ” Kirk tugged Spock’s pants down enough to release his hardened cock – “sensitivity.” He took Spock into one hand with his final word. Stroking his cock only gently before falling to his knees. 

Becoming acutely aware of their surroundings, Spock drew in a tight breath. Kirk’s tongue welcomed Spock into his mouth just as Spock tried to protest. “Cap-! Jim- not h-here.” Though Spock tried to detest Kirk taking his cock in his mouth when anyone could open the door he leant against, he couldn’t deny this absolute thrill.

Kirk drew back, running his tongue along Spock’s shaft before sucking gently on the head. For a moment he teased Spock, only long enough to ensure Spock would climax soon. Spock already felt the pressure building up as Kirk took him further into his mouth again, in long, deep turns. Reaching down to grip Kirk’s hair, Spock accidently let out a moan, and immediately felt the adrenaline of being in the open in the state he was. 

Knowingly, Kirk bobbed his head faster and took Spock as deep as he could without gagging. 

He manoeuvred his tongue and Spock lost himself in the sensation, climaxing and releasing himself in Kirk’s mouth. As soon as he’d calmed down, there was no time to waste. Kirk was pulling his pants back up and kissing Spock with an open mouth. Spock could taste himself on Kirk’s tongue and quivered at the notion. “You were great, now let’s get out of here,” Kirk grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more smut and fluff to come because there is honestly no better combo


	6. Shore Leave (prt 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Spock get back to the hotel ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I had such a long break from writing! I finally mustered this up the other night as a hard (and I mean ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) hard) hitting finally of this fic. I adore all of you that have read up to this chapter, you are angels... or devils eheheh 
> 
> Please enjoy!!!!

Spock expressed little resistance having his shoulders pressed firmly against the bed. He was laid beneath Jim, a panting mess. Jim himself was in no better shape; using Spock’s shoulders as leverage to lean the weight he felt too overwhelmed to carry himself on.

“You’re hard again... already,” Jim’s words slipped out while he straddled Spock. He was shifting on Spock’s crotch as though he wanted to abrade their clothing in the sensual process.

Letting out a deep, throaty moan, Spock nodded and became tense with lust. He attempted to lean forward and peal the thin fabric of Jim’s shirt off of him, though he was held in place by Jim’s hands. “We should strip,” Spock suggested needingly. Spock’s eyes rolled back with pleasure as Jim’s hands ran down his chest, until they slipped beneath his pants. 

Jim’s eyebrows rose with excitement, “but what if I did you again like this?” He tugged on Spock’s straining cock once then slipped his body lower so that he could kiss Spock’s neck as he jerked him off. “You’d climax for me again right? I wonder how many times I could make you cum...”

Chest tightening to the endeavour of Jim winding him up like this over and over, Spock tried to speak without any impediments. “I w-want to see you without your clothing,” Spock managed.

“Oh,” Jim’s lip curved at the side. “Spock, are you comfortable with trying something new?”

“Yes,” Spock swallowed back his nerves. 

Jim didn’t bother to explain, climbing off of Spock and walking over to his luggage, where he went through his clothing until he found a leather belt. Spock wanted to squirm away, but felt encaptured by the possible outcomes of this night. Though, Jim saw the weariness in Spock’s eyes, “shivers, I’m not belting you Spock.” Jim nearly chuckled at the ease Spock’s tense body expressed.

“But I’m restraining you,” Jim added casually.

Spock frowned, “to where?”

“The bed head of course,” Jim answered, climbing onto the bed and letting Spock shuffle back until he was comfortably propped against pillows and wrists could safely be tethered to one the metal bars of the bed’s frame. 

Nodding approvingly, Jim tightened the belt’s buckle and whispered sweet reassurances. With both legs either side of Spock, Jim leant in beside Spock’s ear and whispered warmly, “you can’t escape me. I’m yours Spock, and you are mine.”

Eyes closed, Spock quivered, feeling his entire spine tingle for a moment. He was momentarily taken by Jim’s words enough to open his eyes and be pleasantly surprised to see Jim in nothing but his shirt and underwear. “How did y-“ Jim’s index finger cut him off.

He felt it now, his heart was frantic, and breath unsteady. Yet Jim’s hand was so enthrallingly rhythmic on his cock. He was slow, steady and felt like bliss despite not even being lubed up in any way. Spock was providing enough precum by this point. 

And that made him flush, Jim’s bare touch, beneath his clothing, was enough to make him feel a climax on its way. Just before Spock felt himself reach his peak, he heard Jim’s voice once again, “you’re mine, you’re mine,” he repeated. 

Suddenly, that was enough for Spock. He tensed as he spilled over Jim’s hand, gently tugging against his wrist’s restraint. As though Spock’s senses were honing in on that particular part of him, all Spock could think of was ‘you can’t escape’.

He was in trouble now.

Jim pulled his shirt off with ease and used it to wipe up Spock’s ejaculation. “Different position this time?” Jim inquired with perk. 

“Okay,” Spock croaked out, shocked at his own voice.

Wasting little time, Jim yanked Spock’s pants and underwear off and propped his knees up. Spreading Spock’s legs slightly, Jim moved in until he was kneeling between Spock’s legs. Spock had expected more from Jim’s manouveres than Jim to be a tease. 

Jim eyed Spock as he sucked his two longest fingers. He no later brought them down to his entrance and relaxed Spock with a gentle massage around the ring. He carried on until Spock couldn’t help but contract and whine for penetration.

One finger was in by the time Spock was comfortable enough. Two fingers slipped in to better help Jim find Spock’s prostate. Spock moaned to alert Jim that he was rubbing in the perfect place. Three fingers slid in so that Jim could pull away and push further into Spock while still satisfying his prostate.

“Good,” Jim cooed, leaning in to kiss Spock. “You’re really sensitive tonight aren’t you?” He used his free hand to take hold of Spock’s hardening cock. 

Swallowing harshly, Spock flushed and nodded, feeling somewhat turned on by Jim’s dominance. “I wan-“ Spock choked when his vision blacked out, pleasure coursing through his veins as he climaxed a third time that night.

Taking deep breaths to try and even his heart rate, Spock asked for more time before Jim tried anything else. Though, like the persistent Captain he was, Jim agreed all while towering above Spock, sucking gently on the fingers of his restrained hands. Spock’s brain was ready to fry by the time his cock was hard again. Just as Spock thought he’d have the opportunity to release himself again, Jim stopped, moved down and grinned.

“What the fuck are you doing to me?”

Jim’s complexion darkened slightly, his cheeks reddening. “Say that again.”

Spock nearly choked on his love for Jim, “fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” he complied with a laugh.

An adorable smile was granted in return for Spock’s profanity. His grin didn’t go away as he spoke again, “you know... good chief officers don’t say ‘fuck’.”

“I guess that... makes me rather bad,” Spock followed along, curious to see where he could ebb this scenario. Jim leaned in, lips nearly brushing his own before he tackled his briefs off. 

Spock’s eyes fell down Jim’s body to notice that Jim was achingly hard. The belt around his wrists prevented him from being able to do anything about that though. Jim caught Spock’s gaze and settled his hands on his thighs. His fingers trailed patters to enthral Spock while he kissed small kiss es along his neck. 

Each kiss sent a tremble through Spock when finally Jim asked, “do I need to use lube or are you alright?”

“I’m, fine,” Spock groaned through soft pants.

“Okay.” Jim’s kisses landed on Spock’s thighs, then his neck again, then his mouth. Sharp and suddenly, Jim entered Spock.

Nearly hissing, Spock slipped his tongue out, into Jim’s mouth. There was an onslaught of tonguing, hot, wet and vigorous. Jim was deeply thrusting, expressing all the passion he’d been holding back. Spock could have climaxed again, but he held himself back to ensure that his Captain was satisfied.

“Not long,” Jim moaned into Spock’s mouth, suddenly throwing his head back. Spock could feel Jim’s body tremble as he released himself within him. The sensation of the warm, viscous load tipped him over the edge with his third? Forth? Fifth orgasm...? he couldn’t keep track any longer. 

For a fleeting moment the two huffed and gathered their composures. The urge to wrap his arms around his lover was strong, and Spock wanted to ask for Jim’s belt to be taken off of his wrists. Jim read between the lines and nearly apologised, “I’ll take this off now.”

His voice was soft, and gentle, and Spock noticed a duality in Jim. At times he’d be forward with his desires, and dominant in his achievement of his aspirations. And at other times, he was soft, and was able give rather than receive.

Spock loved everything about Jim though, his ins and outs. He knew that with Jim, he’d accomplish humanity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you all!!!! Share love in the comments if you can :3

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment and share love!


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